When Gratitude Feels Impossible

A Different Way to Think About Thankfulness this November

Every November, the gratitude reminders start. Your social media feed fills up with 30-day thankfulness challenges. Family dinners come with the inevitable question: what are you grateful for? And somewhere in all of it, you're supposed to feel more positive, more content, more happy.

Except November isn't always like that. For a lot of people, this month is genuinely difficult.

You might be facing your first Thanksgiving after losing someone. Family gatherings might trigger more stress than warmth. Maybe money is tight and you're worried about the holidays. Or depression has you in its grip, and being told to "just be grateful" feels like one more thing you're failing at.

If that sounds familiar, I need you to hear this: there's nothing wrong with you. You're not ungrateful. You're dealing with real, hard things.

The Problem With Forced Positivity

I see this a lot in my practice. Clients come in feeling bad about feeling bad. They know they "should" be grateful, which only makes them feel worse when gratitude doesn't come naturally.

Real gratitude doesn't erase pain. It sits alongside it. You can miss someone terribly and still appreciate a kind gesture from a friend. You can feel anxious about the holidays and notice a beautiful sunset. These feelings don't cancel each other out.

Starting Smaller

Forget the gratitude journal if it feels like homework. You don't need five things every day. Sometimes one small observation is plenty. Your coffee was warm. You made it out of bed. Your dog was happy to see you. That counts.

Try replacing "but" with "and" in your thoughts. Instead of "I'm struggling, but at least I have my health," try "I'm struggling, and I have my health." Small shift, big difference. It lets both truths exist.

And include yourself. Can you appreciate that you showed up today? That you're still trying? Give yourself some credit for getting through hard things.

Getting Through Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving comes with its own set of challenges. Difficult family members. The pressure to seem happy. Empty chairs where people used to sit. Financial stress about food and travel.

You're allowed to do Thanksgiving differently this year. Smaller. Quieter. On a different day. With different people. Or not at all. There's no rule that says you have to follow the traditional script, especially when it doesn't fit your life right now.

Setting boundaries with family is okay. Leaving early is okay. Skipping certain conversations is okay. Taking care of your mental health matters more than meeting anyone's expectations.

 

What Gratitude Actually Looks Like

Gratitude isn't a performance. It's not about posting the right thing on social media or filling out your journal perfectly. It's noticing, when you're able to, that there are small moments of okay scattered through the hard.

Some of the most genuine gratitude I've seen comes from people in really difficult situations. They're barely keeping it together, but they notice when someone checks in on them. They recognize their own strength for making it through another day. They're grateful they asked for help instead of suffering alone.

That's the real thing. Everything else is just for show.

This November, be honest with yourself about how you're actually doing. Don't force feelings that aren't there. And remember that however you're moving through this month, you're doing it right.

If You Need Help This Season

The holidays tend to make everything feel bigger and harder. If you're finding this season particularly difficult, reaching out is a sign of strength, and courage. C.A. Counseling offers a warm, non judgemental space to talk about whatever you’re experiencing.